RUSSIAN INTERFERENCE IN IRISH ELECTION

As the report into alleged interference by Russia in the 2016 EU referendum in Britain is released today, one of the most startling revelations has been that the Russian government also bothered to meddle in the 2020 Irish General Election and was, in fact, behind the setting up of the coalition between Fianna Fáil, Fine Gail and The Green Party.

Russian Spy

A source close to Russia, Oleksander (29 from Ukraine), exclusively tells Glanmire News Area;

“To be honest, they just thought it would be fun. Something for their junior spies (aged 7 - 12) to work on in school. It was a group project in their  ‘How To Dominate Puny Little Countries And Make Them Do The Bidding Of Our Mother Russia’ class.”

When GNA asked Oleksander if any secret code names were used in transmissions to refer to the Irsh political parties he simply laughed and said; “Why would they bother? Nobody cares about Irish politics.” before laughing again, this time at our use of the word “transmissions”. “This isn’t the 19-fucking- 50s” he said.

Before our phone ran out of credit we had time to ask Oleksander one more important question; Why The Green Party and how did they manage to get them involved?

“HA! That idea came from a little girl in the class. Ivanka (aged 9). That was funny. She will go far. As for how? How difficult do you think it could be? Our operatives told Mr Eamon Ryan ‘if you do this you will be in government’. He didn’t even listen to the reasons the class made up. He just went for it.”

As we questioned Oleksander’s use of the word “our” the phone went dead and we were left to wonder if we at Glanmire News Area too had been interfered with by some Russians. Or if we had, in fact, just run out of credit.

If you see any suspicious behaviour by some Russians potentially interfering in national elections / votes, please call 111 to inform the Gardaí.